Dedicated to the one I love…

It’s February, which means that it’s time for the population to become fixated on love and relationships, unless you’re like me and you couldn’t really give a toss. It is thrust into our faces, love hearts adorn shop windows, supermarkets put out their meal for two deals and you can even buy a very legit diamond ring from the likes of Poundland. How romantic! Yes, Valentine’s day is upon us and don’t we know it. A completely made-up holiday designed to sell more cards is now an indicator of how well you are treated in a relationship. The gifts you receive, the food you eat and maybe even a trip you take are all posted online and become a sort of status symbol, a declaration to the world of how in love you are and an invitation to let others judge how well your partner has done. I definitely can’t see any negative effects to this! *Insert loud incorrect buzzer sound here* Social media has changed how we view and interact with other people in regards to romantic relationships, or perhaps just any relationship with another person in general. I really struggled to come up with something to write about this week, so I’m going thematic. It’s Valentine’s day tomorrow and it felt fitting to talk about how I believe my generation has such a bleak outlook on our relationships.

What are my qualifications to talk about this I hear you ask, well I’m part of Gen Z and I’m currently in a pretty healthy relationship, If I do say so myself. We communicate well, we work together and we have our disagreements but over everything we are a team, I think that’s one of the more important things. We learn from each other and we are able to accept each other’s flaws and love regardless. Here comes my first point, I think we have become too impatient in love. As one of my current favourite songs goes, “Love takes miles, Love takes years,” to me it seems that my generation is entering relationships with the expectation that everything is going to go well right off the bat. Maybe it’s because we grew up on fairytales and Disney movies where the princess is swept off her feet and they live happily ever after and her prince is perfect, but that’s not the case. Life gets in the way, we work, we socialise, there are bills to pay and times where plans have to change. And that’s okay, that’s realistic. It’s how you navigate through turbulence as a couple and learn to grow together that builds a solid foundation for a relationship that will last.

My partner isn’t very present on social media, for a long time we only messaged on whatsapp, which may seem normal but when I mentioned this to a friend she commented on how it was weird and seemed like he was hiding something. I thought to myself, what a strange assumption, coming from someone who knew very little about my relationship. I trust my partner and I feel pretty secure, I don’t need to stalk his online activity or feel the need to look at his phone or anything like that, which you hear a lot of horror stories about online. But it doesn’t surprise me that there are people who think that way. See, social media has had such a massive impact on how we perceive what a romantic relationship is supposed to be. We are constantly bombarded with videos and posts and stories of things that go wrong. One example of this that I have seen a lot of recently is ads for an app called TruthSeek. I’ll be scrolling along and come across a video that basically says something along the lines of,”I thought I knew who my boyfriend was, until I searched his name on TruthSeek.” Supposedly it’s an app that deep searches the name of whoever you put in and it will bring up any dating profiles they have or other incriminating details about them. Now we all know that social media preys on our insecurities but the constant pressure of these adverts is relentless, I have seen so many of them that it has even had me second guessing things for a moment. Like, why does my algorithm think I need to see this, it’s totally bizarre. Social media has created a culture of distrust. We would rather listen to a total stranger on the internet, than to sit down and have an honest conversation with the people we love. Oh your boyfriend isn’t constantly smiling when he’s around you, obviously that means he hates you. He says he’s a bit tired after work and wants to get an early night? Nope that means he’s out picking up girls at a club. It’s so weird! Why have we become so negative? Why are we only looking for the bad and the faults and why are we not able to let go of these things?

It seems as though we are purposely finding issues within our relationships, upsetting ourselves and then creating problems that probably don’t really exist. And it’s becoming so normalised. There have been many conversations I have had with people where they have been feeling upset because they have gone out of their way to find their partner’s ex on social media, and I’m not perfect. I have been guilty of this too. But comparison is the thief of joy. Why are we going out of our way to look for things that we know will upset us, it’s so silly. This is the problem with modern relationships. Previously there was no way to stalk an ex online, there wasn’t social media telling us that our relationship will fail because our initials are not together on a slideshow made by a bored 12 year old. We are facing an information overload, seeing every tiny detail about others relationships online and then comparing it to our own. There is so much outside interference and rather than coming to our own conclusions we are placing a higher value on the words of people that we don’t even know.

So, this Valentine’s day, if you’re celebrating it, be present with the one you love. There’s no need for the grandiose over the top gifts, dates or meals. Put down your phones and just be together.