Who do you think I am, the Oracle of Delphi?

Blunt. Blunt is a word that has been used to describe me over the years. Increasingly so, since I started working in customer service. I like to be to the point, I don’t indulge people when they are trying to convince me to bend the rules or just let them off, just this once. I’ve had complaints about my tone, my wording, my facial expressions, “Smile a bit for once”, “A bit more energetic perhaps.” It doesn’t really make a difference to me. A job is a job. However, in my personal life I find myself being asked for advice more and more. Becoming a sort of agony aunt. A person to hear out problems and provide answers. I am the absolute worst person for this. I can listen, sure. But don’t expect any life-altering advice.

This train of thought left the station a few weeks ago, I was showering as one does and the music on my phone kept cutting out. That’s weird, but whatever. Ten missed calls. I have a phone, though it rarely gets used for its purpose so this is unprecedented. And anyway, who could possibly be wanting to get in touch with me? It was one of my closest friends, and here I know you’re thinking okay, when is this getting strange? Well this is the same friend who takes 3-5 business days if not longer to read a message. What could possibly require a bombardment of calls so early (1PM) in the morning? I ring her back and she’s in bits, sobbing so hard I barely understand what is being said to me. I sit on the phone for the good part of an hour while she reels off all the problems with her relationship. Break up then, is what I want to say, yet I hold my tongue. I know that that is not the answer she is looking for, she wants reassurances that it will all work out and they are meant for each other and they’re going to run off into the sunset and live happily ever after. I am a terrible liar, the most unconvincing ever, through gritted teeth I try to provide what feels less like genuine friendship and more like a helpline service. Sincerity lacking in my response the phone was rather abruptly hung up. I’d failed to give the correct answer. Hey, don’t blame me. I know I give shocking advice. Anyhow, since we’re on the topic here are some harsh truths, bad advice and conclusions I have come to based on personal experiences and observations.

Relationships. I don’t want to get involved. I don’t want to know, I don’t want to be told what you get up to in the bedroom. I don’t need to know every sin your partner commits. I am not in the relationship, I don’t care about it, don’t make me a witness to it. The only relationship I care about is my own, and I’m not giving you the ins and outs of that. Period. If you’re unhappy, break up, there is no point in dragging something out when you know you don’t really want it. If you have that level of awareness, I think you know what the correct thing to do is. If you get to a point where you are just constantly checking each other’s phones, locations, or won’t let them go out without you, the relationship is dead in the water. If you don’t have shared goals, or want the same from the relationship, break up. It’s not going to work. In 99 out of 100 cases where I’m told about relationship issues, the two words at the forefront of my mind are, of course, break up. I see absolutely no value in bringing someone else into the equation when most likely they are only going to disagree with your point of view and suggest things that you don’t want to hear. Work it out yourselves for god’s sake.

Here’s another thing that irks me. When a relationship ends, why do people feel the need to post about it all over social media? Trying their best to paint the other in the worst light possible. Yeah they probably were a terrible person, but aren’t we all at times. Airing out your grievances so publicly just makes you look bitter- and stupid. The best thing you can do for yourself is take a step back and think about how you can grow from the experience. Heal your own heartbreak, there’s altogether no reason to slag off your ex online.

Here’s something for my younger brother- he’s been desperate for a mention but I know he’s going to hate this one and probably moan at me- get a job. I don’t mean this in a nasty way, I just don’t want you to end up like me. Get a job, any job, just something that you can put on your personal statement and talk about in interviews. This doesn’t just go for him, it goes for anyone currently coming out of education. The truth is, you are probably not going to get your dream job straight away, if ever. Don’t do what I did and waste a year doing nothing. In the current economic climate, not investing in yourself is the worst thing you can do. Hone your skills, sure, do things that you enjoy. But please, I’m begging to at least get some shitty retail or hospitality part-time job, even if that isn’t what you want to do and trust me I do understand. Sometimes we have to do things that we don’t enjoy.

Actually I think that we should all do more things that we don’t necessarily like doing. We need to inconvenience ourselves more, show up for those we care about. We have become too insular, too self-serving and a lot of time we only show up for ourselves, only doing something when there is a guaranteed return. So you know what, yeah I hate feeding my brother’s bearded dragon, his eyes freak me out- but I’ll do it. I’ll wash the pots, hang clothes out to dry, and lessen your load for you. Heck, I’ll even listen to your woes on my break. I’ll give you some terrible advice too, if that’s really what you want.